hhuuuaarrrkkk toooo

Who knew there was an art to spitting and more importantly why is it that guys always seem to be so good at it? Whether it be a loogie or just a straight spat they always manage to do it perfect; hawking it up and launching a perfect circle as it lands with a splat. I mean lets be serious, the noise it makes is even perfect. Whereas when I do it, it's like a shower of saliva and (depending on the technique I try) a possible drool stream down my chin. Gross.

Spitting practice is something I've started on a more regular basis (this may or may not be while I jog). I try multiple techniques for creating the perfect loog. Tongue behind my bottom teeth. Fail. Shaped like a "u". Fail. No tongue use at all. Fail.

Fail, fail and fail, why can't I just do it? I have asked many of my guy friends on multiple occasions over years about their spitting technique. Even after following their instructions I still can't seem to get it.

I have come to the conclusion that spitting the perfect loog just may not be in my cards. I am also starting to think it is directly related to a man's "lower region" along with something in their saliva that enhances this ability. They can't just be better at it than me, there has to be a reason. Whatever it is, it makes it congeal a little better and makes it impossible for them to fail.

As I continue to try honing in this skill, I will not get my expectations to high on actually mastering it...

One potato, two potato

When picking a potato what are you looking for? Size? Firmness? Dark spots? Is it rotten? Have you ever been able to find the perfect potato? What qualities are you willing to abandon if you can't get them all.

Needless to say I am not an expert potato picker. Most the time I get what i think is a pretty descent tater only to get it home and realize the inside is all spotted and brown. I consider cutting out the spots but how many spots are acceptable to cut before you decided it would just be easier to get a new potato.

One time I tried to salvage what I thought was a good potato but ended up cutting my hand and it hurt so bad that I gave up and tossed it. Maybe I'm just not taking the time needed to make the right tater choice. I should start with what I am planning to make then go pick out the best one. Am I making a family meal? Is it just a fill in? or maybe, it is a quick microwave deal. Wam bam thank you potato!?

I had no idea grocery shopping could get so complicated. I'm about to just say fuck it and stop eating.

Three potato, four...