For Sale...

Mother fucking Beans. I almost want to stop there because that just summed up what I am about to write. She has to be the most annoying thing on the face of the planet. Even now as I type she is SLOWLY sneaking up onto my arm in her nonexistent stealth mode. It is obvious she has no idea how fat and oversized she is and that there will never be a time that she actually sneaks up onto anything.

Beans is not like most other cats; she is needy, loud and hates to be alone. She follows me around like a puppy, groans and growls when you rouse her from sleep and talks to herself more than what I considered normal. She keeps it no secret that she hates my mom, loves my sister Ali and just puts up with everyone else. I feel I am to blame for this behavior. She has always been given the coolest haircuts, the best clothes so why wouldn’t she act like a twat. I tried to rectify the situation but the damage has already been done. She will just continue to be intolerable but I think that is why we get along so well, we are just alike.

Occupied...

Wait, were you talking to me? I’m sorry I wasn’t listening. I have a lot on my mind lately and when I get like this I find myself “in my head” more often than I’d like. Thinking, questioning, playing out different scenarios, thinking, (shut up I can think more than once) and obviously putting entirely too much energy into any one situation going on around me. I spent the majority of last summer “in my head” and after taking a much needed break, I am not exactly happy to be back.

A large amount has to do with work. Not having enough time, expectations are high, can I get everything done. Once the season starts it transforms into: not having enough events, not kissing ass good enough and not getting things done to Bildo Baggins’ expectations.

The other part is trying to find time for myself. There is it, myself. Is there ever going to be enough time for me? How are things this summer going to go? Will I have more time off, any time off? What about my new relationship, how will it fair? I think the majority of my friends and family have accepted my fate of being M.I.A. during the warmer months. Maybe I should look into getting a new job? Is mine really that bad? Back in my head I go.

Ever since I was 16 I have worked at a golf course giving up most weekends and holidays. Sometimes I dream about a Mon-Fri, 9 to 5 and wonder if I would like it? I could get real vacation days (not just ones in the winter), sick days to use at my disposal AND weekends off. I wonder if that would be one of those: “the grass is always greener” things but maybe not. I should stop thinking so much about it and just let it happen rather than trying to figure out how it will all happen.

FAIL

I was going back through some old crap on my computer when I found a document I wrote a few years ago instructing the reader “How to live happily ever after with the girl of your dreams….. (That’s me)”. I laid it out in bullet form with 6 main headlines ranging from proper attention, bad moods to cleaning. It is actually quite humorous how much detail I went into about some of the things. After reading through it I realize that almost everything remains the same. I don’t ask for a lot and I never have. Below is a list of a few special bullet points that I plucked out to share, enjoy.

1. Give a kiss every morning before you leave and a kiss when you return home….
2. When you’re out without me text me. You could even lie and say you miss me or wish I was there too…
3. NEVER EVER WHIP OUT YOUR COCK AND THINK IT IS A TURN ON…it’s definitely not.
4. Sometimes an unexpected hug is the best way to make me feel special
5. Whatever you like that I do to you….do to me.
6. NEVER assume I’m on the same page as you about anything, the odds are I am not.